on second thought, i probably shouldn't write this post until I am in a better frame of mind. nonetheless, i will persevere and simply state: teaching is hard. and let's be honest, i have an amazing job. (minus the cart. which, has in fact, become somewhat of a curiosity among the staff because of my rules, consequences, and big goal posters written on it. i relish when someone stares at it daily). the administration is fantastic and has everything together. I have veteran teachers who let me take their handouts and copy them. and pester them with questions continually. i have a supportive second year corp member who shares an office with me. i have students that ask me if i'm a vegetarian because I dress "all sunshiny". i have students who ask me, with all seriousness, "ms. sullivan, do you ever take a smile off your face?" and, i have access to a box of paper and a copier that works (for the most part). what should be hard, right?
i am consistently faced with my own failure and my responsibility to these kids. I can't believe that incompetent, unknowledgable me is in charge of teaching these amazing (yet not necessarily on academic track) students to read and write so they can get places in life. Me. it is on MY shoulders. yeah, sure i can read. and i love it. but does that mean i can teach it? does that mean that my lessons every day reflect my love and passion for reading/writing? the answer is a resounding No. in between my days of struggling to keep students on task and quelling no-bathroom privilege mutinies, i am silently praying every day that it will go better tomorrow. my prayers, at this point, are not enough. honestly, i havent been relying on Heavenly Father like i most certainly need to. i feel as though i dont have the time. i dont have the brain power. i am slowly turning to mississippi delta institute brain mush alexandra. my creativity, my passion, my excitement are drained out of my body. in my head i just keep saying the words- friday, friday, friday over and over, like my own personal mantra. and i sit here ashamed. ashamed of myself that i am so excited for a day that doesnt end with me having to scrounge around the bottom of my mind barrel for something to occupy the minds of my 7th graders. im not sure this teaching thing is for me. the tears are starting to slowly come right now. its because i want to just love my kids. i want to talk to them sweetly and i want to smile at them and i want them to feel good about themselves for simply being alive and a kid, and a middle school kid at that. i want to stand at the front of my room, applaud them, and say "i know how hard middle school is!! i was awkward and struggled with friends too!" and i so badly want to yell and scream at them "i love you. i do! id do anything for you!" and yet, here i am at 8:07 pm, dreading facing them again. i'll say it again- im not proud of how im feeeling. im sick and tired of not giving these kids what they need. im hoping that a good night sleep tonight, and a recharging friday of planning and such will put me in higher hopes and will help me to see that in fact, i am competent. that in fact, caring does matter and the kids see it. and that maybe, just maybe, i can help these kids succeed.
i know these ramblings seem desperate and disjointed. well, they are. thats probably a good summation of what im feeling. and what ive been feeling. i have a wise friend who when i minorly complained to her one day said, "well this is your passion isnt it?" it is. i just have to dig down deep and find it again. i want my kids to be ready for the real world. and by george if that means no bathroom breaks and consequences for breaking rules, well then, so be it. for any readers out there....i need the positive vibes. send them my way. please.
must remember- Go forth to serve.
Thursday, August 19
Wednesday, August 4
being an armadillo and other stories.
im sitting on my porch with spencer right now (spencer is our resident gecko). my computer screen is fogging over, and the top of my keyboard is slippery with the humidity. two of my friends just left for their busy days in the real world, and in true shauna sullivan fashion i called, "make good choices!" as they walked away. am i ready to be a mom or what? i've realized that im slowly becoming more and more domestic. interior decorating, baking cupcakes for my roommates and squatters, itching to sew something up...its all hitting me like a ton of bricks. im going to investigate the sewing machine i found in my closet today and see if it is in working order. i have some baby blankets that i need to make before too long here, and plus, its also just super cool to find a sewing machine in ones closet. definitely worth a closer look.
despite my random warblings, actual things are happening in my life. i will be a teacher in exactly one week from now. the weight of the responsibility i feel towards these kids is painful and exciting. the painful because i want everything i'm doing to be so stellar, in order for them to get where they need to go. i want to be for them what my best teachers were for me. they were so formative in my life. and actually, i can point to one teacher specifically who literally changed the course of my life. it was my junior year of high school and of course, my life was status quo. and then, i was introduced to the world by this man who told stories about traveling, and new cultures, and the exotic places he had seen. i was mesmerized. but it was more than that. i finallt knew that i wanted to see the world, and do my part to learn from them, and in turn give them opportunities that i had that they didnt. i never knew that the world existed beyond my own backyard, and i refuse to let my own students have to wait as long as i did. i wonder if i have the capability to actually change someone's life like this teacher did for me. how do you know this? it probably should be some intrinsic confidence, but i cant seem to muster it this week. there are so many things rushing through my head that i cant make sense of any of them and they are going so dang fast that i cant grasp any of them solidly. (i just tried to write a metaphor that was appropriate for this situation. i promptly deleted it because it got to be about a paragraph long and it was about a fisherman.) im working relentlessly to feel on top of my game...luckily i have an amazing team of fellow teachers and a supportive administration who seem to believe that i can do this. my heart literally aches thinking about letting these kids down. ugh. if only i didnt have inadequacies...but regardless of any doubts i may have, i do know one thing. i will love my students like no other teacher has before. i practically smother them with caring. everyone has to have a strength, right?
to change the tone of this particular post...lets focus on the festivities that were last weekend. "La Noche de Tejas" was a screaming success. our dear friend Josh Brown was turning 25 and of course, we wanted to a.) help him have a stellar day and b.) demonstrate our superior party throwing skills. we took his three favorite things and bada bing bada boom, we created this party. everyone dressed up (rule number one for theme parties) and in our foyer, we had our "borrowed" stop sign, a full length mirror, and a sign that read "Before you enter, STOP and evalaute yourself. are you in full costume? if not, please RE EVALUATE and rethink your entry into the party." and i think it actually worked. most everyone had some form of a costume on. our costumes were by far the best, i mean, whats more texas than armadillos? (again, i will never ask the question, why dont i have a boyfriend?) we had a beautiful night full of red velvet cake, tons of texas decorations littering the walls, plenty of dressed up friends, and a marachi rendition of happy birthday. its these moments that im living for in between the waiting for my actual real life to kick in. not sure why but the pictures arent uploading. ill try again later. but to sum up my life right now, it is busy with a twist of anvxiety, with a dash of still no life routine thrown in there. ahhh. drink it up. goes down smooth every time.
despite my random warblings, actual things are happening in my life. i will be a teacher in exactly one week from now. the weight of the responsibility i feel towards these kids is painful and exciting. the painful because i want everything i'm doing to be so stellar, in order for them to get where they need to go. i want to be for them what my best teachers were for me. they were so formative in my life. and actually, i can point to one teacher specifically who literally changed the course of my life. it was my junior year of high school and of course, my life was status quo. and then, i was introduced to the world by this man who told stories about traveling, and new cultures, and the exotic places he had seen. i was mesmerized. but it was more than that. i finallt knew that i wanted to see the world, and do my part to learn from them, and in turn give them opportunities that i had that they didnt. i never knew that the world existed beyond my own backyard, and i refuse to let my own students have to wait as long as i did. i wonder if i have the capability to actually change someone's life like this teacher did for me. how do you know this? it probably should be some intrinsic confidence, but i cant seem to muster it this week. there are so many things rushing through my head that i cant make sense of any of them and they are going so dang fast that i cant grasp any of them solidly. (i just tried to write a metaphor that was appropriate for this situation. i promptly deleted it because it got to be about a paragraph long and it was about a fisherman.) im working relentlessly to feel on top of my game...luckily i have an amazing team of fellow teachers and a supportive administration who seem to believe that i can do this. my heart literally aches thinking about letting these kids down. ugh. if only i didnt have inadequacies...but regardless of any doubts i may have, i do know one thing. i will love my students like no other teacher has before. i practically smother them with caring. everyone has to have a strength, right?
to change the tone of this particular post...lets focus on the festivities that were last weekend. "La Noche de Tejas" was a screaming success. our dear friend Josh Brown was turning 25 and of course, we wanted to a.) help him have a stellar day and b.) demonstrate our superior party throwing skills. we took his three favorite things and bada bing bada boom, we created this party. everyone dressed up (rule number one for theme parties) and in our foyer, we had our "borrowed" stop sign, a full length mirror, and a sign that read "Before you enter, STOP and evalaute yourself. are you in full costume? if not, please RE EVALUATE and rethink your entry into the party." and i think it actually worked. most everyone had some form of a costume on. our costumes were by far the best, i mean, whats more texas than armadillos? (again, i will never ask the question, why dont i have a boyfriend?) we had a beautiful night full of red velvet cake, tons of texas decorations littering the walls, plenty of dressed up friends, and a marachi rendition of happy birthday. its these moments that im living for in between the waiting for my actual real life to kick in. not sure why but the pictures arent uploading. ill try again later. but to sum up my life right now, it is busy with a twist of anvxiety, with a dash of still no life routine thrown in there. ahhh. drink it up. goes down smooth every time.
Monday, July 26
and the newest hired teacher is...
(me and gools at barnes and noble being so excited to work on long term plans and for my exciting new job!)
me!! i am now an employee of woodlawn middle school in east baton rouge parish school district and i will be teaching two 7th grade english classes and one 8th grade english class. one of my mississippi students called me today and i told her i would be teaching 7th and 8th graders. she just laughed and said "that's going to be hard ma'am" agreed, tranquasia. agreed. i will not have my own classroom (i'll be jumping between three different rooms, on a cart no less) and im excited for the challenge. thank you to everyone (especially the amazing quadrilateral) for sending out so many positive vibes that i'm sure got me the job. i am working woman!
Sunday, July 25
philosophy circles.
that post title is not deceptive at all...for the last few nights my front porch has been overrun by men who discuss important things in ways that i can't even begin to frame a conversation with any sort of authority. i have loved how the boys take over our adirondacks (and two actually brought their own chairs...people are settling in at tulip st.!) and us four ladies always end up in the kitchen dancing, talking, and always snacking. our conversations are filled with the real, not the hypothetical. they are full of emotion and passion and sadness and happiness and laughter. and although we don't happen to talk about the cyclical nature of the universe (in terms of the laws of thermodynamics) i would say that we have some pretty intelligent and moving conversation. im not sure who i'm convincing here...but as far as i'm concerned, both the men and women of tulip st. are equally impressive.
life has formed somewhat of a routine these days. it is incredibly fun to wake up to a houseful of my friends. i eat a bowl of cereal, whenever i decide to crawl out of my yellow and gray bedroom hours after my alarm has actually gone off, i drink a cold can of DC, i say my hellos, and i sit on the wood floor of my room and try to make myself look decent. i've decided its actually not even worth it to shower. 30 seconds after you get ready you are already a sweaty, damp mess. my hygiene has gone out of the window. like seriously. and, our shower drain has decided to not stay open while the shower is running, so our feet get to bathe whilst we are showering. so many people germs all over my feet. hopefully no one gets what lives in my red vans or plaid sperrys...tulip st. has become the place to be. ive gotten texts from people asking what the party is going on at our house, everyone just walks in and out, and we are becoming quite the hostesses. i absolutely love playing hostess. two days ago, we inaugurated leslie (my lime green kitchenaid) and made banana bread. without measuring cups. or a for sure recipe. how amazing are we? lets just say the bread was a hit, and there are more baked goods to come.
we kicked off "round zero" this week, which is all day training. i wrote my classroom vision and big goal. my 7th graders are going to be young professionals and know that education equals opportunity. i am so excited to get into the classroom and change the trajectory of lives. it sounds conceited, but im going to be as bold as to say that i will do everything in my power to give my students more. more academic success, more educational opportunities, and more well rounded-ness. basically, im (hopefully) going to do for them what i would have loved someone doing for me in the 7th grade. and ps, no one really believes that i didnt have friends in 7th grade. yep, pretty sure i read books at lunch in the library alone (and that lunch consisted of a hotdog, super pretzel, and dr.pepper) and then once i got to temecula prep, was never allowed to be written into the other girls story! i have come a long way....
i have so very much swirling around in my head at the moment. too much to decipher actually. i am trying to decide what my passion is, besides the very generalized "helping people" schtick. i have almost forgotten my absolute love for women's issues...i need to find a way to weave together everything that i want for my life. more on this to surface. im taking suggestions as to what people think my passion should or could be.
necessary shout outs: 1.) momma gools for being so incredibly amazing, especially when we all needed a mom a little bit:)
2.) brittany johnson: you can do it. you are incredible. dont forget that you are the kourtney to my khloe.
3.) my familia: thank you thank you thank you. love to all.
4.) the quadrilateral: you are my backbone. and you make it okay for me to fly my freak flag as high as it will go.
tonight, im riding high on our free couch we just got from a TFA alum and the fact that i have learned what it means to really love people. in this next week, i want to demonstrate that love, and make it visible to everyone around me. my idealism is slowly creeping its way back into my life and i love it. welcome back.
life has formed somewhat of a routine these days. it is incredibly fun to wake up to a houseful of my friends. i eat a bowl of cereal, whenever i decide to crawl out of my yellow and gray bedroom hours after my alarm has actually gone off, i drink a cold can of DC, i say my hellos, and i sit on the wood floor of my room and try to make myself look decent. i've decided its actually not even worth it to shower. 30 seconds after you get ready you are already a sweaty, damp mess. my hygiene has gone out of the window. like seriously. and, our shower drain has decided to not stay open while the shower is running, so our feet get to bathe whilst we are showering. so many people germs all over my feet. hopefully no one gets what lives in my red vans or plaid sperrys...tulip st. has become the place to be. ive gotten texts from people asking what the party is going on at our house, everyone just walks in and out, and we are becoming quite the hostesses. i absolutely love playing hostess. two days ago, we inaugurated leslie (my lime green kitchenaid) and made banana bread. without measuring cups. or a for sure recipe. how amazing are we? lets just say the bread was a hit, and there are more baked goods to come.
we kicked off "round zero" this week, which is all day training. i wrote my classroom vision and big goal. my 7th graders are going to be young professionals and know that education equals opportunity. i am so excited to get into the classroom and change the trajectory of lives. it sounds conceited, but im going to be as bold as to say that i will do everything in my power to give my students more. more academic success, more educational opportunities, and more well rounded-ness. basically, im (hopefully) going to do for them what i would have loved someone doing for me in the 7th grade. and ps, no one really believes that i didnt have friends in 7th grade. yep, pretty sure i read books at lunch in the library alone (and that lunch consisted of a hotdog, super pretzel, and dr.pepper) and then once i got to temecula prep, was never allowed to be written into the other girls story! i have come a long way....
i have so very much swirling around in my head at the moment. too much to decipher actually. i am trying to decide what my passion is, besides the very generalized "helping people" schtick. i have almost forgotten my absolute love for women's issues...i need to find a way to weave together everything that i want for my life. more on this to surface. im taking suggestions as to what people think my passion should or could be.
necessary shout outs: 1.) momma gools for being so incredibly amazing, especially when we all needed a mom a little bit:)
2.) brittany johnson: you can do it. you are incredible. dont forget that you are the kourtney to my khloe.
3.) my familia: thank you thank you thank you. love to all.
4.) the quadrilateral: you are my backbone. and you make it okay for me to fly my freak flag as high as it will go.
tonight, im riding high on our free couch we just got from a TFA alum and the fact that i have learned what it means to really love people. in this next week, i want to demonstrate that love, and make it visible to everyone around me. my idealism is slowly creeping its way back into my life and i love it. welcome back.
Friday, July 23
sigh of relief.
(this photo is me and my roommate/soulmate emma lurking at community coffee, stealing their internet after a long day of "round zero" training. i almost miss institute)
finally...a job interview!! it is for a 7th grade ELA (english language arts) position at Woodlawn Middle in East Baton Rouge Parish. wish me luck.
as of late, ive been living the life. absolutely lazy. kind of messy. my house looks like a homeless shelter, and i have to go to random coffee shops for internet. one of these days i'll be able to do a legitimate blog post, but until then, know that i am incredibly happy and excited to sleep in my adorable room later tonight (or dream of sleeping...its going to be a wild night i think...)
Tuesday, July 20
the promised pictures and more exciting information.
these past few days have been a joyous blur! i absolutely love living in rainy, hurricane season baton rouge and living with some amazing people. the only person that is hurting is my bank account...thank goodness for credit cards, right? i'll post more once i get internet at my home (currently at barnes and noble) but here are some pictures.
Sunday, July 18
louisiana living.
we christened the new place last night, with our "freedom" party (don't worry blogosphere...pictures are sure to follow). let me preface everything i write with the statement- i am incredibly blessed. my life has become this fairy tale (fairy tale to me, i think) version of imperfect perfection. if you would have told me one year ago that i would be living in a gargantuan early 20th century home in the most beautiful area of the capital city of louisiana, i would have looked at you like you were a total crazy. if you would have continued speaking and told me that i would have spent my last 5 weeks of summer teaching a bunch of incredibly bright and vivacious 6th graders and enjoying it more than practically anything i've done in the last 3 years of college, i would have mocked you in disdain. then, if you just had to keep running your mouth and said something to the effect that i would probably never find fantastic friends to make my life lovely and exciting, i actually might have agreed with you. fate has twisted all of these situations into this amalgamation of the things ive needed most to grow as an individual. im acutely aware, more now than ever, of my relative imperfection and the long road that i have to travel in order to even be close to the person that i want to eventually become, but for the first time in a long time, i feel like im actually on the road that leads to that happy conclusion.
that sounded a bit cryptic. let me put my life in terms that are a little easier to understand. my last day of summer school was this friday. my students were unusually rowdy, as per the last day of school is. at least they got to walk into my classroom where Justin Bieber was blasting (i tried to get Chris breezy going, but youtube decided to stop working. my students LOVE the chris brown). we chatted about the big goal (more on that later) and we talked about where they wanted to be in 10 years. the lovely, ambitious things that came out of their mouths made me so happy. when i asked one special student where she wanted to be, she said she wanted to be a lawyer because they help people, and that she wanted to go to hale college. We all stopped and kindle asked her where that college was. after some prompting and a little correcting, this student realized she actually wanted to go to Yale. most of my students have these big dreams, and i must admit, i thought that they wouldnt have them. i was biased, and at least i can see that now. but practically every single one of them wanted to something big with their lives, and it always involved college. and not just any college, but ivy league colleges. because of the luck of my draw with the roster, i feel like i got the privilege of teaching the smartest kids going into 6th grade. every single one of them is so capable. all of my students made at least 10% improvement on their math scores (most made more like 20% increases, one student made an improvement of 34%!!) i just cant believe that there is a system in place that makes my genius students feel as though they aren't smart, or can't do grade level work. it just doesnt make any sense is all. but back to the last day. we listened to bieber, i gave a stirring college presentation (heavy on the sarcasm there) and then amy (my fellow teacher) gave hers. we then fielded questions about college, my favorite questions being "were you scared to go to college?" its funny how we become these fearless leaders in our classroom, we aren't people anymore, we are teachers. it was astute of our student to pick up on the fact that yes, we do in fact get scared (hello, i was scared almost every day walking into the classroom. the trick is not letting them smell the fear). after our college presentation, i let the students have mini donuts and juice that i had picked up from my favorite walmart on the way. (i had decided to drive to school again, simply to listen to taylor swift at full blast with my windows rolled down and the sun rising. and for the promise of a pre-school diet coke). then, we had our awards ceremony. we had printed little certificates for all of our students and we gave a little spiel about each student and then they heard their name and got to come shake our hands. not our best planned moment, but i think the kids liked it. i tried to describe each student accurately, but its hard to know how to say so many things you feel and think about students. one of our students LOVES to dance like Michael Jackson. so, i made him moonwalk up to get his certificate. one of the perks of teaching. then, we cleaned our room and walked to lunch in our straight and quiet line one last time. however, we were about 15 minutes early to lunch for some reason, so i had to round them up and corral them in the cafeteria. not an easy task. but i did get to sit at each table and talk to everyone a little bit. that was my favorite part of lunch duty, getting to talk to my real students, not just the ones that show up in our room everyday. they are such dorks. i always felt right at home.
the afternoon was supposed to be a "carnival" for all of the students with good behavior. it was more of a huge punishment for everyone involved because it was three outdoor games and it was hotter than the freakin surface of the sun. i kid you not. i thought i was going to spontaneously combust. my students commented on how red i looked. awesome. i got to run the "trashketball" game. basically, students ran to a point in the grass, crumpled a piece of paper, then tried to shoot it into a trashcan. hilarious. especially because the boys would get all into it and actually use basketball technique and talk a big game. they LOVE it. i have some funny anecdotes, ask me if you want to hear them. after that, it was the end of the day. i hugged my students and sent them on their way. and that was it. weird how it happens like that. they just walked down the hall like it wasnt the last time they would ever see me. i miss them. i hope with my whole heart that their next teacher helps them to realize their potential. i got my first phone call from a student yesterday. it was tranquasia. and that girl has some attitude. but i broke through. and it made me SO happy.
yesterday, we made the drive to BATON ROUGE. i am now, officially, a resident of this wonderfully humid place. i think that it may quite honestly be the most humid, disgusting weather place in the entire world. someone phrased it wonderfully yesterday, "the amazon has nothing on baton rouge". agreed. we to our house, and fell in love all over again. it is SO cute. and palacial. we got all our stuff moved in and then went to get our stuff out of storage. from storage, we went to sams club, where i now have a membership. so exciting. im really putting down roots! we got the essentials (toliet paper, paper towels, bread) and then drove back to our home in a torrential downpour. we ate subway sanwiches on our air mattresses, and our first houseguests came in. we have mr. huff, will, and joe living with us for the next few weeks. they are absolutely wonderful people, and already showed their appreciation for our hospitality by buying us some hugs (those nasty fruit juices we loved in elementary school) cheez its, and bagels for tomorrow morning. love those boys. i mean, men. after more errands (like buying our first piece of furniture- a table for a certain game played yesterday) we got ready in our freedom apparel (i was the only one who wore the visor) and had our first party!! not too many people came, but enough SLAers came to make it a good time. we danced, i drank way too much diet coke, and then, i went to bed around 2am. i woke up to a chorus of snores, and about 7 extra people sleeping in all random corners of my house. it was one of those moments that made me love my life too much.
then, got dolled up and went to church. it was small, but nice. the institute building is right on campus (and i LOVE campus) i walked in, said hello to the first people i met, and grabbed myself a seat. i didnt even fall asleep during sacrament meeting. and i really needed the sacrament and the meeting today. i kept staring at the picture of Christ on the wall and desiring to come to know Him better and to serve Him better. i came away with a new resolve to do better, but i guess i do that almost every sunday. one of the speakers talked about loving people like Jesus loves them. for some reason, i found this particularly profound today. i want to love people with open arms and let them know that i would do anything for them. i think that if people could describe me as someone who would do that for them, then life has been a success. the speaker read a quote that reminded me of how life without love is nothing. there is no point in anything we do if love is not the prompting factor. how absolutely profound. when it all boils down, it wont matter what i did, who i did it with, or the prestige attached to it if i didnt actually love those around me and develop those personal relationships. gah. my weakness needs to become my strength in this one...
so im still not hired. im going to start praying about it, maybe you should too. while sometimes out here i feel like an island unto myself, im incredibly happy for the most part. its all about enjoying the journey after all, right? (pictures will be up later tonight. be sure to check back...there are some gems)
that sounded a bit cryptic. let me put my life in terms that are a little easier to understand. my last day of summer school was this friday. my students were unusually rowdy, as per the last day of school is. at least they got to walk into my classroom where Justin Bieber was blasting (i tried to get Chris breezy going, but youtube decided to stop working. my students LOVE the chris brown). we chatted about the big goal (more on that later) and we talked about where they wanted to be in 10 years. the lovely, ambitious things that came out of their mouths made me so happy. when i asked one special student where she wanted to be, she said she wanted to be a lawyer because they help people, and that she wanted to go to hale college. We all stopped and kindle asked her where that college was. after some prompting and a little correcting, this student realized she actually wanted to go to Yale. most of my students have these big dreams, and i must admit, i thought that they wouldnt have them. i was biased, and at least i can see that now. but practically every single one of them wanted to something big with their lives, and it always involved college. and not just any college, but ivy league colleges. because of the luck of my draw with the roster, i feel like i got the privilege of teaching the smartest kids going into 6th grade. every single one of them is so capable. all of my students made at least 10% improvement on their math scores (most made more like 20% increases, one student made an improvement of 34%!!) i just cant believe that there is a system in place that makes my genius students feel as though they aren't smart, or can't do grade level work. it just doesnt make any sense is all. but back to the last day. we listened to bieber, i gave a stirring college presentation (heavy on the sarcasm there) and then amy (my fellow teacher) gave hers. we then fielded questions about college, my favorite questions being "were you scared to go to college?" its funny how we become these fearless leaders in our classroom, we aren't people anymore, we are teachers. it was astute of our student to pick up on the fact that yes, we do in fact get scared (hello, i was scared almost every day walking into the classroom. the trick is not letting them smell the fear). after our college presentation, i let the students have mini donuts and juice that i had picked up from my favorite walmart on the way. (i had decided to drive to school again, simply to listen to taylor swift at full blast with my windows rolled down and the sun rising. and for the promise of a pre-school diet coke). then, we had our awards ceremony. we had printed little certificates for all of our students and we gave a little spiel about each student and then they heard their name and got to come shake our hands. not our best planned moment, but i think the kids liked it. i tried to describe each student accurately, but its hard to know how to say so many things you feel and think about students. one of our students LOVES to dance like Michael Jackson. so, i made him moonwalk up to get his certificate. one of the perks of teaching. then, we cleaned our room and walked to lunch in our straight and quiet line one last time. however, we were about 15 minutes early to lunch for some reason, so i had to round them up and corral them in the cafeteria. not an easy task. but i did get to sit at each table and talk to everyone a little bit. that was my favorite part of lunch duty, getting to talk to my real students, not just the ones that show up in our room everyday. they are such dorks. i always felt right at home.
the afternoon was supposed to be a "carnival" for all of the students with good behavior. it was more of a huge punishment for everyone involved because it was three outdoor games and it was hotter than the freakin surface of the sun. i kid you not. i thought i was going to spontaneously combust. my students commented on how red i looked. awesome. i got to run the "trashketball" game. basically, students ran to a point in the grass, crumpled a piece of paper, then tried to shoot it into a trashcan. hilarious. especially because the boys would get all into it and actually use basketball technique and talk a big game. they LOVE it. i have some funny anecdotes, ask me if you want to hear them. after that, it was the end of the day. i hugged my students and sent them on their way. and that was it. weird how it happens like that. they just walked down the hall like it wasnt the last time they would ever see me. i miss them. i hope with my whole heart that their next teacher helps them to realize their potential. i got my first phone call from a student yesterday. it was tranquasia. and that girl has some attitude. but i broke through. and it made me SO happy.
yesterday, we made the drive to BATON ROUGE. i am now, officially, a resident of this wonderfully humid place. i think that it may quite honestly be the most humid, disgusting weather place in the entire world. someone phrased it wonderfully yesterday, "the amazon has nothing on baton rouge". agreed. we to our house, and fell in love all over again. it is SO cute. and palacial. we got all our stuff moved in and then went to get our stuff out of storage. from storage, we went to sams club, where i now have a membership. so exciting. im really putting down roots! we got the essentials (toliet paper, paper towels, bread) and then drove back to our home in a torrential downpour. we ate subway sanwiches on our air mattresses, and our first houseguests came in. we have mr. huff, will, and joe living with us for the next few weeks. they are absolutely wonderful people, and already showed their appreciation for our hospitality by buying us some hugs (those nasty fruit juices we loved in elementary school) cheez its, and bagels for tomorrow morning. love those boys. i mean, men. after more errands (like buying our first piece of furniture- a table for a certain game played yesterday) we got ready in our freedom apparel (i was the only one who wore the visor) and had our first party!! not too many people came, but enough SLAers came to make it a good time. we danced, i drank way too much diet coke, and then, i went to bed around 2am. i woke up to a chorus of snores, and about 7 extra people sleeping in all random corners of my house. it was one of those moments that made me love my life too much.
then, got dolled up and went to church. it was small, but nice. the institute building is right on campus (and i LOVE campus) i walked in, said hello to the first people i met, and grabbed myself a seat. i didnt even fall asleep during sacrament meeting. and i really needed the sacrament and the meeting today. i kept staring at the picture of Christ on the wall and desiring to come to know Him better and to serve Him better. i came away with a new resolve to do better, but i guess i do that almost every sunday. one of the speakers talked about loving people like Jesus loves them. for some reason, i found this particularly profound today. i want to love people with open arms and let them know that i would do anything for them. i think that if people could describe me as someone who would do that for them, then life has been a success. the speaker read a quote that reminded me of how life without love is nothing. there is no point in anything we do if love is not the prompting factor. how absolutely profound. when it all boils down, it wont matter what i did, who i did it with, or the prestige attached to it if i didnt actually love those around me and develop those personal relationships. gah. my weakness needs to become my strength in this one...
so im still not hired. im going to start praying about it, maybe you should too. while sometimes out here i feel like an island unto myself, im incredibly happy for the most part. its all about enjoying the journey after all, right? (pictures will be up later tonight. be sure to check back...there are some gems)
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