being an armadillo and other stories.

im sitting on my porch with spencer right now (spencer is our resident gecko). my computer screen is fogging over, and the top of my keyboard is slippery with the humidity. two of my friends just left for their busy days in the real world, and in true shauna sullivan fashion i called, "make good choices!" as they walked away. am i ready to be a mom or what? i've realized that im slowly becoming more and more domestic. interior decorating, baking cupcakes for my roommates and squatters, itching to sew something up...its all hitting me like a ton of bricks. im going to investigate the sewing machine i found in my closet today and see if it is in working order. i have some baby blankets that i need to make before too long here, and plus, its also just super cool to find a sewing machine in ones closet. definitely worth a closer look.
despite my random warblings, actual things are happening in my life. i will be a teacher in exactly one week from now. the weight of the responsibility i feel towards these kids is painful and exciting. the painful because i want everything i'm doing to be so stellar, in order for them to get where they need to go. i want to be for them what my best teachers were for me. they were so formative in my life. and actually, i can point to one teacher specifically who literally changed the course of my life. it was my junior year of high school and of course, my life was status quo. and then, i was introduced to the world by this man who told stories about traveling, and new cultures, and the exotic places he had seen. i was mesmerized. but it was more than that. i finallt knew that i wanted to see the world, and do my part to learn from them, and in turn give them opportunities that i had that they didnt. i never knew that the world existed beyond my own backyard, and i refuse to let my own students have to wait as long as i did. i wonder if i have the capability to actually change someone's life like this teacher did for me. how do you know this? it probably should be some intrinsic confidence, but i cant seem to muster it this week. there are so many things rushing through my head that i cant make sense of any of them and they are going so dang fast that i cant grasp any of them solidly. (i just tried to write a metaphor that was appropriate for this situation. i promptly deleted it because it got to be about a paragraph long and it was about a fisherman.) im working relentlessly to feel on top of my game...luckily i have an amazing team of fellow teachers and a supportive administration who seem to believe that i can do this. my heart literally aches thinking about letting these kids down. ugh. if only i didnt have inadequacies...but regardless of any doubts i may have, i do know one thing. i will love my students like no other teacher has before. i practically smother them with caring. everyone has to have a strength, right?

to change the tone of this particular post...lets focus on the festivities that were last weekend. "La Noche de Tejas" was a screaming success. our dear friend Josh Brown was turning 25 and of course, we wanted to a.) help him have a stellar day and b.) demonstrate our superior party throwing skills. we took his three favorite things and bada bing bada boom, we created this party. everyone dressed up (rule number one for theme parties) and in our foyer, we had our "borrowed" stop sign, a full length mirror, and a sign that read "Before you enter, STOP and evalaute yourself. are you in full costume? if not, please RE EVALUATE and rethink your entry into the party." and i think it actually worked. most everyone had some form of a costume on. our costumes were by far the best, i mean, whats more texas than armadillos? (again, i will never ask the question, why dont i have a boyfriend?) we had a beautiful night full of red velvet cake, tons of texas decorations littering the walls, plenty of dressed up friends, and a marachi rendition of happy birthday. its these moments that im living for in between the waiting for my actual real life to kick in. not sure why but the pictures arent uploading. ill try again later. but to sum up my life right now, it is busy with a twist of anvxiety, with a dash of still no life routine thrown in there. ahhh. drink it up. goes down smooth every time.