tired, exhausted, and very full.

i just ate a blooming onion from Outback to-go. yep, it is now official that I am the most disgusting grease receptacle on the planet. today was a better day than yesterday, but still just fine. fine is probably the perfect way to describe my classroom and the way things are going. yesterday, all hell broke loose in 4th block. literally. i ended up just teaching to the students that were paying attention. and so it is.

my life is still settling. my room is constantly a disaster area, my papers are all over the place, and organization...well, thats a thing of the past. but small victories- i no longer raise my voice at all in the classroom. perhaps that is to my detriment, but well, if i can teach a kid that yelling and anger doesnt get you anywhere, then thats a complete win for me. i was talking with my roommate today about how our students are going to be adults one day. and if they can talk to us with such blatant disrespect, then they will be adults that will talk with blatant disrespect. the job of "teacher" is so absolutely vital. i mean, i see these kids more than their parents do in some cases! when all is said and done, i just wish i could love these kids into doing what i need them to do. i mean, is 90 minutes of quiet too much to ask? is keeping your head off your desk too much? is writing a complete sentence too much? im just...torn. and i am torn in oh so many directions.

ive taken too many breaks already today. i got my best friend's brand new beautiful miracle baby a present today. buying presents makes me feel like a worthwhile person. it has to be something that validates me, and i guess this is the way ive chosen. i wish i felt closer to life's little miracles (or huge miracles, rather). Heavenly Father truly blesses His children. we simply need to stop, take a deep breath, and realize it. as an instructor of highly malleable teenagers, ive become so jaded at the world. i want to press the stop button, and reprogram the way our society is devolving because thats what it is doing. devolving. our kids are suffering for it.

i have some funny (and not so funny) stories, but insitute calls. be grateful for those blessings in your lives that you recognize, and work hard to recognize the ones you dont already see. im trying...