long division.

tomorrow, i am teaching long division. and as i sit here, wasting time, i realize how much life is like long division. its difficult, tricky, and you never know where to put the dang numbers. weak analogy, i know (and i call myself a teacher...), but really though. aren't all of our lives a little bit like a division problem? we are trying to divy up our time into equal parts, prioritizing and constantly moving things around, just trying to make it work. thats pretty much how my life is right now. im just trying to make things work. i think my class is too comfortable around me (they were chatty cathys today), im tired as heck, and i really want to be a better teacher. as we speak ive spent two solid hours working and have nothing tangible to show for it. and i think to myself, this must be what my students feel like when they can't figure out some difficult math problem. they are fed up and frustrated, never having figured out how things should work. me and my kids have a lot more in common than i ever even realize.
the high point of my day came when i was in a training session. it was a powerpoint presentation (TFA's preferred mode of transmitting information) and up on one slide popped a picture of three of my students standing in line. the students were tommie, trayvious, and al'nika. they were smiling, and it almost looked like their chests were puffed out with pride. people commented on how great they were walking in the hallways, and how well behaved they were, especially compared to their older counterparts. it made me SO happy that my kids would look so proud to be standing so well for OUR classroom. cute little kiddos.
so, all i want to do is crawl into my bed and watch the bachelorette. what i will do, however, is prep MAJOR for my lesson tomorrow. looks like yours truly is getting filmed and observed by no less than 4 people tomorrow. this is going to be the longest 45 minutes of my life.

i get to blog two days in a row?! gasp!

I feel so incredibly blessed to be in a classroom. My poor little kiddos on the other hand... well, they are lucky that i love them a lot, right? i got to see them work hard today, really respect me, and look up to me a little bit. on the other hand, i realized that i taught them a concept wrong last week (freakin greatest common factor. i am literally DUMB) and that they don't really know how to subtract with numbers bigger than two or three digits. this, is a bit of a problem. i feel almost powerless to remedy it. but, remedy it i will. im trying hard to stay focused, and to not drink too much diet coke. (i may have bought a 24 pack at walmart to feed the habit.) my classroom environment has become comfortable, a place where students really do want to learn. they respect me and finally know my name (ha.) i think they think im a little kooky because i have a teaching style that is a little different from most i would say. but different in a good way. for example, today i taught the steps to adding and subtracting. and yes, i made up these steps from scratch. and yes again, i do not know the right way to do it. it is laughable, but im trying my darndest. but anyways, i tried to make them sing songy, so they would stick and to get the kids into it. so, we sang "step one, add the ones- then we would yell REGROUP (fancy word for carrying) and stick our arms out over our heads. the hand motions were an impromptu add by yours truly. they ate it up. so, look for footage of the division rap that i plan on teaching in a couple of days.
i feel a lot better about everything after today. i made some parent phone calls, just to let them know that their student was doing well and was a pleasure to have in class. it felt so weird to introduce myself as "Ms. Sullivan". i relished it! but today wasn't all good. two of my smartest students got in a fist fight in the hallway where i broke it up myself. (i didnt know that i wasnt supposed to touch the kids at all, even when they are beating the crap out of each other). they most likely won't be allowed back into school. and it is heartbreaking that i may not get to see them again.
im attaching some pictures in this post...morgan freeman's bar where we had happy hour last friday (dont judge my appearance, i was going off of like 8 hours sleep for the whole week at that point) and some pictures of the church building and the view from the church. i have to start taking more to remember this magical mississippi experience. i have to get a shot of the sunrise tomorrow. amazing.

the weekend.

every week here is like an eternity. not in a bad way (well actually, it is more like a bad way than a good way). im exhausted all the time and im still exhausted right now, after my 9 hour sleep last night. can i just tell you how i live for fridays? yesterday was the longest day of my life- woke up early, went to school, had a crappy day with the children (they just weren't letting me teach. i love them, but i dont feel like im doing enough for them), then in an unexpected burst of happiness, we were bussed from our school (Stampley/Clarksdale) to Morgan Freeman's bar in Clarksdale, Mississippi where we had a our school happy hour. yes, we had a happy hour courtesy of Teach for America. it is so bizarre that this drinking culture is so, so...normal. but the bar itself was so cool, and every inch of it was written on in sharpie. i have to go leave my mark there next week, during the next happy hour.

so let me tell you the frustrating part of the work that i am doing here. i want SO much for these kids. heck, i love them already. they each are so sweet and so smart. there are some that are ahead of grade level and i love them for loving to learn. there are kids that can barely read and write and i love them for trying. it is amazing to see little personalities every day. but heres my beef. i feel completely incapable of giving these kiddos what they need. i work so hard to make lesson plans that end up not engaging them, or helping them master objectives. i plan behavior rewards that they either don't get or don't care about. i want to help them express themselves and learn to love learning and each other, but i feel completely hopeless in that arena. every day i feel like these kids deserve an experienced teacher who will help them ACHIEVE this summer.

but let me tell you what is so rewarding about my work. i can be doing nothing but throwing down my teacher stare on the way into the cafeteria, and a sweet little student will say "Ms. Sullivan, i want you to sit at my lunch table today." or two sweet little girls dealing with a bully, and sitting and nodding along when I tell them about how at the end of the day it doesn't matter what anybody says about you if at the end of the day you like yourself and have self respect. ah! my first motivational speech! or when little shalin gets so excited about factor trees that she can barely sit in her desk and BEGS, literally begs to come to the board and factor. i mean, all these perks, and im still a novice. i consider myself lucky to be in this situation.

the weekend was relaxing and invigorating. of course, im still exhausted, that goes without saying. but yesterday was so nice. after our friday which was a dinner at airport grocery (complete with my first crawfish experience....DELICIOUS and DISGUSTING all at the same time. yes, i did pull of the head of an animal and then peel off its shell and then clean out this brown goop to get to literally a smidgen of white meat. but it was very good white meat.) where our waiter talked to us once in the entire three hours we were there. it was the usual crew (mady, emma, gools) and it was so nice to sit and talk and eat and relax. then, friday night, i got the party started with an amp energy drink and driving and singing to trashy pop music. its what we do best. we headed back to the dorms (like all cool kids do) where we hung out, chatted, and then decided to go out to the local music cafe/bar/hang out place. talk about adorable! it simply does not fit in cleveland mississippi. it is a redone building of some kind, super artsy inside. it actually inspired me to make things again, and to listen to really good music that means something (see above comment about trashy pop music). so when i have a moment of free time in the next century, i will most certainly add "artist" to my job description. If i had a business card (like Kevin G. style) it would read Alexandra "Al" Sullivan- teacher/artsiness enthusiast. fabulous. this little slice of heaven is called "hey joes" and it is the first hang out place ive actually felt comfortable in. probably because mgmt and death cab were playing over the stereo. mmmm. i miss music. it really helps me to feel more, which me the emotionless robot, needs every once in a while. we hung out there for a bit (it closed early...like 12:30) and all us SLAers went back to the dorm and hung out in the lobby. after a somewhat early bedtime (like 1:30! praises!!) and a late wakeup (11:00 am!! praises!!) we went to the cafeteria, got some grub, and then headed back to hey joes to watch the us vs. ghana world cup game. we were there for all two hours and it was packed and heated and amazing. i am so into the world cup. and soccer players if im going to be honest with you. talk about beautiful. we sat with other SLAers and a trillion other TFAers. after this, i attempted to do some work (impossible. my brain just doesn't work anymore.) and then we went back to hey joes for dinner because it had looked so delicious earlier. i had a hamburger (gasp) but it was DELICIOUS. i have not been so satisfied gastronomically since ive been in mississippi. it felt so good to have that lead weight in my belly. i think ive been dropping lbs for some reason because i definetly eat a lot of crap here. but it probably has something to do with the 21 hour days...maybe. saturday night was chill- working, a sonic run (hot fudge sundae...yes.), hanging out in the lobby (throwing a ball around in the weirdest way we could think of. people think me and my friends are freaks). such good times. i have been lucky enough to find friends that encourage me to embrace all of the strange parts of me and make them incredibly open. for example, we are going to have a book club, scrapbooking mondays, fencing tuesdays, (wednesdays are a break), art thursdays, etc. etc. we are looking into getting a 5 bedroom house in the garden district and we are considering having that extra bedroom be our tea party room. and im not kidding. we have so many outrageous ideas that it makes me (and everyone else) excited to walk into our future home.

sunday has been good to me thus far. i woke up at 7 for church, drove the hour with my fellow corps member daniel (who is just the sweetest), and talked about dating, etc. sunday school (what i heard of it...i may have been dozing) was really good. i love hearing about david and goliath, and how david was prepared for his big trial with other trials that shaped him. i feel like i am in the refiners fire right now, and hopefully i am actually recommitted to being better than i was last week. i need to care more about these kiddos, about the people around me, and make more time for service. this pseudo life that i live now needs some tweaking and some priorities built in. as for now, i have hours of work ahead of me here in the lobby of new mens dorms, but i am happy. diet coke, ratatat, and good people milling about me. fantastic.

officially a teacher.

yes, i am officially a teacher! I walked into room 201 at Clarksdale High School in Clarksdale, Mississippi on day one and felt a.) overwhelmed and b.) completely unprepared. By the end of that day (which was only Monday, just a few days ago) i was completely demoralized and seriously doubting my abilities as an educator and as a human being. it was that bad. i co-teach with two other people (i got lucky with my group. they are fantastic, and in fact, one rapped some biggie to me all the way back to our dorm after a literacy session) and by the time my lead teaching time rolled around, the room was sweltering. the air conditioning had completely quit on us. i had to try and corral them after lunch (an impossible feat. still trying to remedy this problem) and get them to take a math test for 2 hours in what i affectionately called "the swamp" in room 201. i was dripping wet with sweat- literally- and my students were antsy, loud, and let's be honest, bored out of their minds. we had 36 10-12 year olds in a room together, and we thought it would be a good idea to have them sit in table groups. NEVER, EVER under any circumstances do that to yourself on the first day of school. they were touching each other and talking constantly. there was a highlight during that first day though- getting to introduce our class to the class theme of "A world of possibilities". Our classroom has a global theme, complete with "passports" that they get stamped for good behavior. (i wonder who thought of this theme...) but the pain and heartache of that first day has subsided, and i can barely remember how completely terrible the first day went.
i am in love with my class now. LOVE. not infatuation, but LOVE. i find so much joy in going into my classroom everyday and hearing "Ms. Sullivan, Ms. Sullivan" (ok well honestly, it gets old fast, but i do love having a teacher name). but these kids are so full of joy, optimism, and life. they are hilarious, and smart, so so smart. i just wish that i could do better by them and come into the classroom being a veteran teacher. unfortunately, im very much the novice. i want the best for these little whippersnappers, and im incredibly sad that i had to say goodbye to around 10 of them. we split the 6th grade into 3 classes instead of 2, just to make things more manageable for us. but, our kids that changed classrooms all voiced the opinion that they wanted to come back to our room. OUR room. cute little mario even went as far to say "i promise i wont misbehave if i can come back into your classroom." we are creating this culture in our classroom that is so exciting to be a part of. there is a huge discrepancy in level (we have a 6th grader reading on 2nd grade level for example) and it is hard to differentiate for the higher level students. im trying hard to reach all students, but it is harder than you think!!
my actual room is quite large, and there is a huge table of random junk in the back, as well as all of our excess desks. we tried to "decorate" but there is only so much you can do with chart paper, masking tape, and crayola markers. we set up the desks in the final way today (we decided on pairs of two, three pairs per row, 24 students total). we have a pretty strict agenda, and we are doing well with following through with consequences. im not quite sure what kind of details are interesting to the lay reader...i suppose i could tell you how teaching feels. it is the craziest feeling. you have to constantly trick students into listening to you. its all about engagement and being rigid. ive discovered that im kind of loosey goosey in my attitude with students, more like a lower elementary teacher. its what i like, exaggeration and lots of kinesthetic movement. walking into the room for the first time and having to command authority is one of the most daunting and unnerving feelings ive ever felt. this experience has literally been the hardest thing ive ever done in my entire life. college was piece of cake compared to planning an interactive 6th grade math lesson. heck, college was a piece of cake compared to taking a classroom bathroom break. (bathroom procedures=disaster. currently working on the logistics). this job has the ability to shake you to your core, and then can simultaneously make you feel so alive. i feel more and more like a 6th grader and it is invigorating. i bet my students think i am an old fogey, and i think its funny. i got the chance to sit with a small group of students today and play a get to know you game. we had to answer certain questions about ourselves, nothing too major, but stuff like what you want to be when you grow up. i got a couple doctors, a lawyer, policewoman, streetfighter, and a lot of pro athletes. i told them i always wanted to be a teacher, and one of my darling students said something to the effect of wanting to beat kids down (i cant understand some of my students ever. they insist on mumbling quietly with their hands covering their mouths. its frustrating). i asked them what they were good at, and i got a variety of answers. i tried to tell them how good at math they were, some literally laughed but others were really proud of themselves. it feels good to be able to do that for a student. the last question i asked was "where do you want to go to college?" and i was so stoked when the first answer i heard was Harvard. a man after my own heart. i feel like i must point out that at some point during this discussion, one my very quick students, made a Madea reference. i almost peed my pants laughing, well holding the laugh because i cant be too informal! this is going to be a rewarding and informative experience, and luckily tonight, i get to get more than my standard 3 hours of sleep. (yep, thats right. 3 hours and literally working all other 21 hours of the day. miserable. my eyes are bright red bloodshot right now). here is a list of my students:
Joshua, Martell, Al'Nika, Cierra, Charisma, Tommie, Ja'Kaijia, Tranquisha, Trayvious, Jatavious, Jamarcus, Antwon, Tatyannah, China, James, Gary, Namonte, Karl, Kenesha, Kourtney, Khadidria, and probably a couple others im brain farting on. i love them. these brilliant little kiddos are what i get to love for the next three weeks. its going to be hard to let these ones go. Please enjoy the pictures of my very first classroom. kiddo pictures will be here tomorrow:)

friday.

My goodness Fridays are the best days EVER. Ive never been more excited for a Friday any time in my life. We decided that we were going to get squirrelly tonight (and by we, I mean my amazing future roommates Mady, Emma, and Goolia) and let loose after a LONG week of long hours and some incredibly hard work. The work day came and went (we learned about diversity, managing our classrooms, etc.) and I actually got to start setting up my classroom for Monday. I got my official lanyard that reads “Ms. Sullivan”. Yes, I have a teacher name, a teacher voice, and now a teacher badge. I can not wait to get into my classroom. I want it to be the best classroom these kids have ever seen. The only problem is that I do not really have the time or funds to create the actual classroom environment that id like to. It is hard for me to work with two other people and not have full control. I never realized how much I like to do things independently until now.
But back to last night. We went to a Mexican restaurant which turned out to be pretty good, but was no Don Jose. I love hanging out with my friends because they like same weird crap that I do- i.e. we talked about the themes for each of the birthday parties that we are going to throw for each other. The first theme is going to be “centaurs and kings” and yes, it is a dress up party. When we were leaving the restaurant, the clouds outside were huge cumulonimbus and streaked with red and purple from the sunset. Sunset and sunrise in the delta is pretty fantastic. I feel luckier and luckier to be here every day. Especially today because I am still laying in bed at 10:27am listening to Dashboard confessional and writing. We drove back to the campus, windows rolled down, laughing, and happy. I don’t know when I have been this happy. Things are by no means perfect here, but it is a different kind of good. And I never realized (until I got here and the microscope is definitely on you) that my personality is so distinct. The disconnect between how I see myself and how other people view me is HUGE. Dude, im harder on myself than anyone ever could be. People see me as confident. Me, confident? I love that. It makes me so happy that that is what I project to people, and it makes me feel even better about getting in the classroom and being able to be this confidence builder for my little savvy 6th graders.
Can I tell you how excited about our “A world of possibilities” theme I am? Timeout is Antarctica, each table group is a country that is in the world cup, and we are going to give mini lessons on counties around the world. My kiddies will a passport for behavior, and when they have good behavior, they will get a stamp in their passport. Maybe a field trip could be involved? An optional movie night to learn about other cultures? This is exactly how I want to set up my own classroom (if I ever even get one) in the fall. The interviewing/hiring process isn’t going so well for yours truly. But luckily I don’t have time to worry about it (because im so freaking busy) and I have an amazing team of people working hard on my behalf. Mainly im just glad that I cant think about it because my head is in 50 other places at the same time.
Again, back to last night. After our Mexican experience, we went to the campus catfish fry. People love their catfish here. I cant jump on board because a. fish is SICK (I had catfish last week, I almost barfed) and b. have you seen a freakin catfish? Especially the ones in canyon lake? I vomit in my mouth just thinking about it. they had a trailer full of free beer (TFAers love their alchohol) and a cool bluesy band. We stayed and danced wild and chatted with other corps members until the mosquitos became too unbearable. Then back to the dorms, then out to the gas station for some drinks (my weapon of choice tonight, amp. Ive learned that you HAVE to have something in your hand to drink or its very awkward in a group of people) while listening to destiny’s child, the writings on the wall album. Say my name is such a prolific song. Then, back to goolias room where we listened to music and talked for like an hour. Then upstairs to this adorable boy named will’s room where a black light was set up. It was supposed to be a dance party, but unfortunately no one was dancing. I tried, it was awkward. People were most certainly letting loose though. It was a long week for everyone I suppose. I chatted, mingled, and the like. It was hilarious. A dorm party and we are the teachers of the new generation. (also see the centaur and kings party. Yes, we will be teaching your children). Not exactly my scence, not going to lie. I love talking and interacting in smaller groups, not being the only person without a drink who isn’t super loosened up. Its mui frustrating. After around 2 hours of that crap, we went to emmers room and had an amazing heart to heart. It is so nice to be honest and candid. It felt so cathartic. I have a lot of things to think about. Among these many things I need to sort out, is the idea of getting boys to like me. Apparently they do, but I am so firm in my version of right and wrong that they don’t even become options for me. Fascinating!! There are some cute boys here (especially in the north Carolina corp) in my corps, but the ratio is like 6:1 in favor of girls. Feels like provo again. It makes me miss the people in my life that I love, and probably will love forever. Oh gosh, im a sentimental freak. When did I become such a blue?
All in all, it was successful night. We are going to explore the delta today. And then, start working for next week!! So much to do! Im so happy to be able to do it too.

just a couple pictures. i promise ill start taking more.

teaching is almost here.

i saw my classroom officially today. and room 201 is never going to be the same. i have been busy lesson planning all day, preparing for my kiddos (whom i officially get to meet tomorrow). i already love them so much. life here is crazy, though. there is crazy weather, crazy mosquitos (i have around 100 bites, literally), and a crazy schedule. i absolutely hate waking up at 4 in the am. but everything else is going to counterbalance it. i have such a passion for the work here. i really miss being able to watch the bachelorette whenever i want to, but i love that i am giving up a little bit in order to really make the achievement gap a little smaller in my sphere of influence. people- let your voice be heard! demand a quality education for EVERY child. and maybe for starters dont let me be a teacher. haha.

its now another day, and this one began with around 3:45 of sleep. yes, this is coming from the person who needed a solid nine to even be able to get out of bed last semester. but im feeling great, had the obligatory diet dr pepper in the cafeteria (no diet coke, only diet rite. sick.) and ran out to the bus where I completed my homework for the day. and all of this before 6 am. today was a different day at school though...we did a diagnostic test called the DRA for elementary school students. meaning, i got to hang out with second graders and give them a very thorough reading test to assess their current levels, in order for us to help them excel this summer during class. it was incredible to feed off of their incredible little energies. i never imagined i could love students that i had never met, but even in one interaction with them, you feel their innocence and love and happiness. i had this big dorky smile on my face all day. and i talked on second grade level all day. im pretty sure that i would LOVE to be an elementary school teacher, simply because the kids are so incredibly impressionable. but they all did have distinct personalities, thats for sure! one sweet little second grader named Melanie wanted to show me how she could write her name in cursive SO BAD that i had to let her. she was so proud of herself, and i found myself wanting to be her teacher. we'll have to see how school goes on monday. i honestly can't believe that come monday i will have my own classroom and my own 35 students to make into responsible, civic minded savvy 6th graders (that is our class theme). they are going to be able to apply their practical understanding (thats where savvy comes in) and achieve academically and be given opportunities outside of the classroom too. i am SO excited. but there is a lot of work to do until then...we have to create our room, rules, procedures all from scratch tonight and then have lessons, diagnostics, tracking sheets, folders, homework, etc. all ready by monday. all of this, and i have to practice. and i have to watch part II of this week's bachelorette. yes, i did stay up 45 minutes later last night to simply finish watching the trainwrecks that are casey and jonathan. oh abc, you make me crazy with this amazing television!
something ive been giving a lot of thought to lately is becoming a vegetarian. crazy, i know, especially considering i hardly eat vegetables. well, i would start. i would cook good ones. and i have met some amazing people that have helped me to realize my moral obligation and integrity to start living in this manner. i have some more investigating to do, so we will have to see. ive been thinking a lot about integrity lately as well. being LDS in a situation where there are hardly any members of the church, it is harder to not stand out in some obnoxious ways, because for the most part, im exactly like everyone else. but i want to live in a way where people know that im LDS and that i stand true to my faith. i just hope that when the microscope is on me, people see the right things.
i cant tell you how busy we are here, which is probably the best thing for me at the moment. tonight i think ill actually fit in gym time! (sick). i am happy, and trying to find the balance between all of the things that i have rolling around in my mind. i hope im doing an okay job, and i also hope that i can be a phoenomenal teacher. maybe one day.

day 1. again.

today was the first day of my life in the mississippi delta. the drive from baton rouge took almost 5 hours, but was easy and absolutely beautiful. i don't know if its just my SLA pride talking or what, but I think Louisiana is far more beautiful than mississippi. there is green everywhere there, and a lot here, but not quite as much. i already miss sla. and that monstrosity of a hotel, the crown plaza. i havent blogged in a while because ive literally been a slave to the man, with no time to spare. well, unless of course you count gallavanting out on the town as being a slave to the man (i do). life here is certainly different. its hot, humid, and you sweat in places that are not supposed to sweat.

its now like 6 hours later, and i am still dripping wet from my shower because my towels are still in a friends car. today was a long day full of meetings on our school site. but duh duh dun...i get to meet and assess my students this thursday! and i'll be teaching 6th grade! it made me so happy, i hope i get placed in 6th grade for real. i was especially excited because megan was a 6th grader and i love her to death. So, i'll be teaching math (ha, someone has a sense of humor) and our first day of actual teaching is monday. this is the reason im here. to really affect change. and to hang out with some really cool kids all summer.

my day today started at 4:05am. got ready in our sterile, but large, dorm rooms, then went to breakfast at 5am with the gang. from there, i went to the busses where i was boarded by 5:50am. then, a 45 minute bus ride to clarksdale high school. we spent all day in and out of sessions, which unfortunately, i dozed off through most of.

i am too tired to function. or write anymore. so this will have to suffice you, alyson.

day 9?

cant remember what day this is. but for your viewing pleasure, the many faces of alexandra.

sassy night on the town alexandra

and super excited to be going to a party in spanish town alexandra

and of course, we can't forget, awkward face alexandra.

a full post is coming tonight, i promise. believe you me, my journal has already gotten a 4 page earful.

day 7.

oh my goodness. tonight was interesting. i cant wait to blog about it in the morning. dont worry, it is 2:30am. and i have to get up very soon. this is going to be a two years full of new experiences...

day 6.

So last night I went to my first American bar. The only thing that kept running through my mind was the line from Sweet Home Alabama when Reese Witherspoon says, “You have a baby!...in a bar” and I replaced the word baby with ‘Alexandra’. Its exactly how I felt. All in all it was successful night, I mingled (as much as I could, which isn’t too much) and even had to face the mormon question already. I need to get some book of mormons handy so I can just hand them out to outline my beliefs every time im at a bar. Great missionary tactic, I think. As I get older I realize there are things that I like and things that I don’t. having to flow around a room of 100 people I don’t know is definitely on the not like list. But I digress. I told myself that I would be 100% positive today and I am going to be. I have interview prep in 20 minutes and then after that I get released to go interview. Ah! Considering how terrible the last one went, I have no expectations and im going to take today easy.
Can I just say that I am among brilliant, exceptional people here at TFA? I sat in on a conversation on economic policy, talked environment with someone else, and everyone is moved by the social injustice of the achievement gap. I am in good company. I have to keep remembering why im here. Im here to teach, but also to learn. Looks like im going to have some great teachers.

now im writing like 12 hours and three interviews later. we had our "interview fair" today and luckily i was able to find suiting to wear that didn't lace up the sides. i had two interviews set up at EBR (east baton rouge) charter schools. the position available at the first school was an amazing opportunity- it was ELA (english language arts) but remedial. this isn't your mother's remedial course however. the assistant principal told me that i would be doing plays, rapping, and doing other engaging acitivities to get my students into english, and help them learn to express themselves in that way. hello, its perfect for me! i get to be creative and help students use writing, reading, and the arts to express and develop themselves. the sweet woman who interviewed me made me feel at ease and as i left she said, "honey, you have the energy to take on a job like this" and it made me feel like a million dollars. back in the interview prep room (a conference room in the hotel, in the conference room next door, principals gathered to interview us. it was a cool and convenient set up), i got a little surprise however. i was told that i was doing a follow up interview with Kenilworth middle, and would i please prepare a 10-15 minute lesson to present to administrators? so, with some help from some awesome veteran corps members, i pieced together a lesson in between my other scheduled interviews. i was stressing big time, especially because i really wanted this particular job. i had to rush to my next scheduled interview, and lets just say that one was over before it started. good thing i think i have one of the others in the bag. me and four others traveled to kenilworth (in a beautiful part of town ironically) to present our lessons. my adverb lesson went as good as it could have, i think, given the time constraints and my nervousness and the fact that i have no idea how to teach!! i think i find out tomorrow...cross your fingers!! this could be the one!!

we had another busy afternoon, with a stop to jason's deli and then a tour around the parish. i saw spanish town for the first time, and am wondering if i should live there or in the garden district. decisions decisions! but the highlight of my day was the trip to New Roads in Pointe Coupee parish. i am in love with the greenery, with the False River, and with plantation homes. honestly, life has new meaning for me after being at this beautiful, authentic plantation whose owner is an amazing, powerful woman who is champion for TFA. as i was sitting under the spanish moss trees, basking in the dusk i was thinking to myself how blessed i was to be where i was. i was having interesting conversations with fascinating people. im learning more and more about the worth of souls. i can appreciate a slower paced life. honestly, so many things were rushing through my mind, or maybe more like meandering through. but more than anything, i want to revamp my life. i had a great discussion with a fellow corp member about being connected to ones body, meditation, and the like. there is so much truth to that. there is so much truth in doing what you love, and in turn loving others. it is my goal, now that im a tad bit more comfortable here, to make it not about me. make it about the person who maybe isn't really talking to others, or maybe its the person that no one likes right off the bat. tonight, i saw things about myself and i want to change them. what you want to make out of life you can, so im going to take control right now. good news- the plantation helped me open up just a little bit more, but at this point, anything is progress! i had a couple great conversations, met a lot of new people, and am feeling more comfortable in who i am. it isnt easy, though. every morning i wake up and have to take it one minute at a time. sometimes if im lucky, i get a whole 5 minutes in without complicated thoughts going through my mind. todays lesson: others not you, and go sit and enjoy the southern life in cool grass that surrounds a beautiful white plantation home. louisiana is an amazing place to call home.

day 5.

This day, that i have simultaneously been dreading and super excited for, finally came. i halfway cried myself to sleep last night just thinking about what i had to do today. at this point, the super, super hard part of actually getting to the hotel and going to the welcome session, is finally over. i walked into the hotel lobby (dripping sweat, but with curls in tact because my mom had made me use more hairspray this morning than i usually do in a whole week) and it was swarming with TFA members with their name tags and binders. i struck up a conversation with a professional looking girl. i introduced myself to another person. i smiled at a few more. then, we made our way to our tables. i tried to be friendly, tried to strike up conversations. as i sit here typing, i think it is important that when i meet people, i do it genuinely. i need to really try to get to know them, to be interested, learn to love people for their diversity. i need to focus outside of myself, and not stay so painfully cooped up inside my own head.
the afternoon was spent with in me my first business casual outfit of my career (I went with the ann taylor khaki pencil skirt, soft green tank with fun embelleshments, and a thin light brown cardigan, complete with my new yellow flats from target). Please see the above photo for a picture of my crazy curly do. We were in the conference room at the hotel for around 5 hours, talking about the core values of TFA, some basic area history, and generally getting to know one another. I made myself volunteer to talk (in hindsight, I most certainly should not have) and I would get red in the face, repeat phrases, and all in all, sound like a complete moron. Not so confidence building. I feel like ive never really been able to market myself like other people can. Who am i? I feel like I can answer that question, but to the world, the answer isn’t sufficient. For example, I thought it would be funny during one of ice breaker games to answer the question “If you could go to lunch with any famous/historical/dead or alive person, who would you choose?” by saying Zach Morris. That fictional character is my soul mate, but should I have shared that when other people are saying things like this random philosopher turned nazi whose name I can’t even remember or a really avant garde artist? Oh, the regrets are mounting by the minute. I still cant believe im here, doing this. When I get all tangled up inside over the fact that my family and friends are 2000 miles away and im jobless, homeless, and have a suit that is inappropriate for any interview unless its in the bedroom, I have to remember that im here for a good reason. At the end of the day, its how I help the kids I get to teach. Educating young minds is the reason im here. Adventure, resume padding, and furthering my education need to take a backseat to the more important issues. It isn’t about me. Im just reiterating things at this point, but im getting a heavy dose of reality today. I want to make this life for myself that im not in the position to do at the moment. I obviously need to grow in so many ways (or else this would be a way easier experience). I need a swift kick in the pants to get myself into gear and be a CHANGE AGENT. I think that from my new vantage point in the real world (ah! Im in the dreaded real world!) that there have been many change agents in my own life, with my mother being at the top of the list. I miss her so much. I couldn’t even tell you specific things about her, except I know that it is because of her unconditional love and support that I am where I am today. She is my best friend in the entire world. I challenge myself (and whoever bothers to read this) to be a change agent. Make someone’s life better because you are in it. I think it is my life work to figure out how to do this adequately, because I don’t think ive really ever been able to succeed on this front. But that doesn’t mean ill stop trying!
Shifting the train of thought, ive realized how lonely the real world is. Its all on me now. And the beauty and the terror of it is that I can do whatever I want and I don’t have to be social sally to be happy or feel content. But, because I feel empowered to be a mature woman and stay in with a book if I want to, I feel like I may fall into an anti social trap. No sir. I refuse. But as I told my mom today, im so tired of stretching beyond my comfort zone! Does life ever just feel comfortable? Ugh I hate freakin character building! Haha, well im only half kidding because this is a hard thing for me. Lets not discourage now, I realize that the tone of this post has been overtly depressing. Im not crying, im excited to teach, and I have a diet coke in my system now. Im being patient, and in case patience doesn’t work, im actually going out to the social events after dinner tonight. How does one even be social? I think that is a valid question after 5 weeks of being home and hanging out with little kiddies all the time. We are going to a sports bar to watch the laker-celtic game. Im going to have to pretend to be an ardent fan in order to have topics of conversation with people. Im not above this type of behavior in the slightest. Im going to check ESPN.com right now to refresh on the stats…

day 4.

today has been a long day, and it isn't even over yet! we have been around town doing this, seeing that, and im pretty sure we've seen it all. im still loving the city, but have noticed a few things that weren't apparent last night in and around the chilis parking lot. the downtown (where we are now staying, yep that's hotel #3 for us) is gray and tan, with few buildings and even fewer people. it doesn't look like there are any apartment high rises or anything and there is no traffic even at peak traffic times. there are no restaurants here, hardly any fast food, and the hotel we are now staying at is the only hotel (that we've seen) in downtown. so basically, people don't come to visit in Baton Rouge.

this morning after we checked out of the 5 star radisson, we went to check into the hilton. lovely staff, and my mom had a crush on the pretty cute valet who was joking with us. since we are from california, he asked if i was a USC football fan. im not, but i told him that i have to rep for california. he said that i really shouldn't say that everin baton rouge. i might get hurt. and, im going to have to take an interest in football like never before. at least i dont have any irrational attachment to BYU football (like thousands of other zoobies). after this, we drove through the AMAZING garden district. its a higher end housing area in mid-city where a lot of TFA members live. think huge tree lined streets, beautiful old homes, and green grass and flowers everywhere. it was so homey and i could see myself living there. i dont think people in louisiana have sprinkler systems or mow their lawns, because they live in a jungle!! i fell in love with the garden district, and am so excited to start looking for an old, french looking home or apartment to rent. i am such an adult, its sickening.

we continued to drive around the city (which isnt very big, at least everything we've seen) and we went and saw the school i interviewed with, Kenilworth Science & Technology, and it was in this beautiful housing area near the historic highland street. historic highland street has about 20 mansions that are old, beautiful and magnificent. this area is near LSU, where we went next. LSU is set on two lakes, big lake and small lake. there are a lot of buildings, some old and some 1970s ugly stuff, and tons of trees. it is gorgeous. i know i say that about everything, but really, LSU campus is so nice. i cant wait for those sweltering august football games in tiger stadium. i am excited to be a tiger! i saw everyone walking on campus (everyone was in workout clothes, i guess thats summer for you) and i missed school. i miss the feeling of my backpack, and having to read for class, and sitting in lecture. but luckily, only a little bit.

we then had a wonderful time putting my things into storage, searching for tape and markers to mark my stuff. it took an hour, and at this point we hadn't had any food at all except a diet coke and some cheez its. yes, we weren't in the best of moods. we were in a not so nice part of town, and i had my first run in with someone with a sad story asking for my money. i am incredibly naive (i believed that his wife and mother had died yesterday, and i still do although my mom is more skeptical than me), but my heart broke. and i feel guilty for having so much. how do i balance this? my heart will keep breaking for two years? how do i give without giving away everything? and how do you get rid of the guilt? im hoping someone will have answers for me.

after storage, we went to the Teach for America office and i registered. so exciting! everyone was so nice, so welcoming. it made me feel so comfortable! i was able to meet the people ive been emailing and who have been helping me handle all of the logistics of life in louisiana. but, i forgot that i looked FUG. haha. a little embarrassing. also embarrassing, i brought my mom in with me. and yes, i was the only person to do that. but hey, i love my mom and they all loved her too. i got a notebook full of stuff, and can i just tell you that i bought a notebook for all of my stuff before i came? TFA and i are both notebook and organization people!!! good feeling about this organization. but, i am hesitant about all of the social events this week. alexandra sullivan=not social. i know i can handle anything they can throw at me, just a little nervous about hanging out with people. its been awhile, unfortunately.

now, at our hotel. i miss my family. i miss non-humidity and my back porch. but i still love this city, and i think ill love it even more after tomorrow. all my excitement is now turning to trepidation. its finally here, after 8 months of being in the making.

and there is a severe weather warning. hope i can handle it!

day three. arrival.

baton rouge is probably my new favorite city on the planet. despite a long day of travel (just how big is texas?!), we just arrived in our hotel room exhausted and malnourished. but let me tell you, this city is incredible. the view from the bridge crossing the mississippi is, in my opinion, breathtaking. the state capitol was to our left, and foliage covered LSU was to our right. ok, its official. i think i have fallen in love with the state of louisiana.

this morning we actually slept in (a late 8:15) and i actually washed my hair. it felt very good, but im still trying to get to know my new haircut. we aren't on good terms yet, especially because i miss my messy second day dirty long hair look. what on earth could i do with my hair to make it look good with flannel now? after we got ready, we said goodbye to our ultra modern springhill suites and left to see the Alamo at my insisting. i felt like it was my patriotic duty to see the landmark. so, drive there we did, but we almost died quite a few times because the state of texas decided somehow that it would be a good idea to not put signs on the freeway warning you of exits or on-ramps, or different levels of the freeway (there was a lower freeway and an upper freeway at some points. dangerous much?) telling you where you should go. if there is an exit, you just see the exit and have to frantically get over. and with a full backseat with no visibility, not so good. we finally made it to downtown san antonio and when we got out of the car, a.) the humidity made you feel like you were imploding because your skin could not breathe and b.) i thought the city was clean and beautiful. there were old buildings, lots of trees, and a lot of history. the alamo itself was a beautiful old mission made of this tan stone. we walked the grounds, saluted our countrymen who love freedom so much, and bought some souvenir t-shirts. the city has so many hints of the old city that used to be there; old architecture is absolutely gorgeous. i wish that i could go back 100 years and just see what all of these old cities looked like before we came in with our sky scrapers and ripley's believe it or nots.

after a little sightseeing, we got back on the road (after getting back to the freeway in a very roundabout way, seeing the real san antonio which was old, worn houses and neighborhood churches) and decided we needed to go to the bathroom. we decided to stop at "Buc-ees" and were SHOCKED because when we got to the parking lot, there were hundreds of cars and even more people milling about. we didn't know if it was a grocery store or what. it turned out to be a glorified convenience store with a giant beaver logo that sold EVERYTHING. so, we picked up some candied jalapenos, a sausage on a stick, some fudge and diet coke. it was an experience. we asked a worker "what is this place? and why is is so popular?" and she looked at us like we were crazy and said, "we sell a lot of stuff." oh, buc-ees.

after bucees we tried to keep driving and we were successful until Katy, Texas. Although Katy was hotter than, well lets just say it was hot, i loved it. it was still green, everything was new, and of course, they had a cracker barrel. we kept driving and driving a little more and we see that the i-10 east in the middle of houston is completely shut down. and we thought it would be wise to follow the detour directions on the Texas DOT website instead of the one sign that said use "610 N". bad move on our part. we made a huge circle and spent an hour navigating Houston. Houston is yet another beautiful city. the skyline of the city is really spectacular, and seems to blend the old and the new very well. from our hours worth of driving, we didn't even see a bad neighborhood (after some extensive googling, however, houston has a pretty high crime rate, so be careful if you are planning to move there). houston sits right on the gulf, so we drove over the gulf for the first time in my entire life. there were big, billowing storm clouds coming in from the gulf and it was a harrowing experience. as i saw all of the hurrican season signs around the city, i imagined how difficult it would be to be sitting in your downtown apartment and watch a hurricane come towards you. so, we were finally back on the 10, i was hungry, and we stopped yet again at the local jack in the box. the land is somewhat empty from houston to louisiana, but green and pretty.

after way more driving than i care to ever do again, we reached the louisiana border, so of course, we pulled over so i could take a picture next to the sign. i was NOT expecting what happened when i stepped out of the door. i was slammed in the face with more humidity than i've ever felt in my entire life, and in the greenery around the freeway, i heard a chorus of bugs, frogs, and other creatures so loud that i thought someone was playing one of those rainforest sounds cds at full blast. my glasses fogged up, and the air smelled of plants and dirt. it was a welcome to louisiana indeed. the rest of the road was GREEN and tree covered. huge, towering, vine-covered trees. water was everywhere, and at one point, the freeway was a literally a bridge for around 30 miles. we crossed rivers, bayous, swamps, and lakes. the land is entirely covered in water and trees. its like the rainforest!! and now one told me how awesome it was! however, after seeing all of the standing water, we googled mosquitoe borne diseases in louisiana, like malaria and west nile virus. they are both alive and well here. i really can't describe how beautiful it is. i've never loved a landscape more, i don't think. it is a place for adventure, and i think it is so fitting that i am starting my new life here. oh, and don't worry, there was a dead alligator on the side of the freeway. (we then googled alligators. did you know that they are fast sometimes?!) what jungle have i gotten myself into?!

as we crossed the bridge over the mississippi, i saw it. baton rouge. it was just as green as everything else. the sky was lavender, the river reflected its color. and i fell in love with the city. i am more than excited to get out and explore, and come to learn what i affectionately call my city. after we got into baton rouge, however, the honeymoon ended. we got to our first hotel, and it was like 1984 called and wanted its hotel back. so we pulled a mariah carey (you know, diva) and checked out. we then went to chilis (our chicken was raw and seriously, i hate chilis.). as we were pulling out of the parking lot to go to our next hotel (its like 10pm by now), we happened to drive over a curb that we didn't see. my poor little car scraped like you wouldn't believe. we didn't know what to do, so we grabbed local police officers and asked them what we should do. they were helpful and said, "uh yeah, call AAA". so call AAA we did. an hour an ten minutes later, our AAA truck came and rescued us. luckily, there was no damage to my car, but to our egos. but we were FINALLY to our new hotel. it took us 30 minutes to even check in, and yes, it was in the middle of the night. it was a sign of things to come. we finally got to our room (down a hall that was absolutely DISGUSTING) and open the door to our room. plaster walls, weird fake wood floors, chipped furniture, a sink that doesn't drain, a dirty bathroom floor (i refused to check my sheets for what was in there and take my chances) and a shower that clogged and i dont think has been cleaned or provided warm water in a long time. needless to say, we are checking out today and going to a hotel downtown. haha. i promise we aren't always divas.

it is the morning after now, and we are about to go see what baton rouge has to offer. im going to be a teacher! im going to live in a new city! its exciting. my mom told me yesterday that she thinks i have a little of my great, great grandpa in me. i have to say that i agree. i have this insatiable urge to go, and to see, and to experience. but i did think to myself how silly this all was, me moving across the country all by myself. it seemed silly to leave my family, because my family is my life, my everything. they mean everything to me, and i am willingly leaving them. i think i have to do this for me, although, i think that this experience is making me more sure of what blessings i have, and more ready to acknowledge them. and, after last night, im even more grateful for my church and my religion. although this last month has been a time of neglect for me, im more than excited and willing to redevote myself. so many, many things to do! off to see the city!

day two.

i am now a very seasoned traveler. we are 14 hours closer to our destination, and i am getting more and more excited/pumped/stoked to live in Louisiana. luckily we woke up this morning and our hotel room hadn't been broken into, and all of the valuables were still in my car. we left around 5:30am and bid farewell to my least favorite city on planet earth (sorry tucson, but you were bad). of course we got our morning diet coke, and by 6:18am we stopped to get our second. the open road of new mexico was what we drove all morning. empty, desert scrub for the first 300 odd miles. i was behind the wheel, trying to soak in the scenery and not crash all at the same time. there is a haunting quality to the desert, which is scary and also a little captivating (way more of the former than the latter), and i can totally see why people fall in love with the desert. my mom crashed about an hour into the drive, so i was driving to the soothing sounds of a John Grisham novel. A terrible novel to be sure, but it sure kept me company on the lonely road.

we just kept driving, and driving, and driving and finally we hit the first big city of the day, Las Cruces. I thought it was a lovely city, lots of trees, some cool architecture, and a lot of farmland. just a couple minutes down the road was El Paso, Texas. i was beyond excited to see traces of civilization that i recognized i.e. a target. don't worry, we stopped at it. el paso is big, and not as pretty as you would think. the city sprawls out in all directions, and is in a little valley of sorts. we grabbed a healthy brunch of grilled cheeses, onion rings, and diet coke at the local sonic and got back on the 10. driving more into the heart of el paso, i was surprised to see what looked like a shanty town on the right hand side of the freeway. come to figure out that the shanty town (which was shockingly built onto hills and drastically different than the rest of el paso) was actually Juarez, Mexico. i had never before in my life seen such a stark contrast between the haves and have nots. again, a humbling experience. if i've learned anything on this trip thus far, it is that i have been abundantly blessed. please remind me to not complain ever again.

after el paso, you experience the real texas. this means empty land stretching out flat for miles and miles. and of course, a border patrol check to see if we were US citizens. when i rolled down my window for the officer, he kind of mumbled when he asked if we were citizens and i could not understand him, so i shook my head and frantically looked to my mom for back up. luckily her hearing is in tact and she informed the good officer that we were indeed citizens. but seriously texas is EMPTY. EMPTY. uneventful driving, more john grisham, and little thinking on my part (due to the audio book, obviously).

we stopped at the Dairy Queen in Van Horn, Texas where we used the restroom (when we were leaving the bathroom my mom was like, "Alexandra, use your shirt to open the door" because she didn't want to touch the nastified door. rude.) and got the most disgusting cookie dough blizzard which proceeded to melt all over my precious car. another stop we made was in Fort Stockton, where it was 110 degrees and incredibly depressing. we managed to make it all the way to a little past Ozona, where i had to go to the bathroom yet again in an even sketchier gas station. but it was at this point that the drive began to be beautiful. green trees dominate the landscape, interspersed with flowing grass meadows. pretty sure it was my heaven. i could picture myself with a big farmhouse (complete with barn, but probably no animals) and a big family just perched on one of the green rolling hills. the green continued and made our drive incredibly pleasant. and around 13 1/2 hours later, we reached the San Antonio city limits. and, i am OBSESSED with this city. although we are still on the outskirts, we've already enjoyed the greenery, a delicious local restaurant (where we asked for butter and got a plate full of 3 huge scoops of it. my mom proceeded to take a picture and say, texas size butter, oh yeah. my mom is so cute:), and relative safety. the humidity is killer, it feels like im at the beach and i just got out of the ocean and im going to be honest, its a disgusting, clammy feeling. but, i still love it! i love that our waiter said "ya'll" to us, and i love that this city feels familiar and i have never been here before. we are now at our hotel, and im dying for a shower and to lay down.

reflecting on today, im happy that i drove 14 hours across this country. im falling in love with america, as cheesy as it sounds. i love where i've been, what i get to see, and the people we get to meet. i am privileged to go on this road trip with my mom. i dont remember being this happy in a long time. my love for travel and experiencing the new is all coming back to me. the further east i go, the more adventurous i become. im ready for my jump into southern culture, for my fulfilling job, and for new experiences. heres to hoping everyone gets to feel the contentment i feel now at some point in their lives...

p.s. i forgot to pack my toothbrush. surprise surprise.

p.p.s. pictures will be uploaded tomorrow, and my oh my are they terrible. ive never looked nastier in my entire life:)

day one.

the day began inauspiciously, with me oversleeping my alarm by 45 minutes (typical) and my mom getting fully ready in order just to drive 8 hours. i of course, opted for my boyfriend jeans that are way too loose and an ill-fitting plaid shirt. this ensemble was topped off by my new short hair (think soccer mom 1999. i dont think im exaggerating) and my face that has way more freckles on it than i remember. we finally got out the door an hour behind schedule, but feeling good about the trip. i, for one, am finally excited, as opposed to nervous. there were no butterflies in my stomach this morning, just happiness. i think this is a good sign. my dear mother and i decided to take a short cut to the freeway. somewhere between domenigioni parkway and san jacinto we got lost. very lost. and then turned around by incredibly deceiving "detour" signs after we found out the road we really needed to get on was closed. 40 minutes later, and we were finally headed in the right direction. then another omen (good or bad depending on who you are and your criminal background), a billboard with two very large eyes on it that read, "Sex offenders BEWARE! We are watching you!" Really though. at this point all we needed was a stiff diet coke, which we got at the local mcdonalds.

we kept driving. my little car (renamed Betsy as of this morning) just chugged along like a champion. we listened to NPR, i think i got my mom hooked, and then a little KFI (couldn't stomach too much of it). we talked. we laughed. we enjoyed each other's company. and before we knew it, we were in Casa Grande Arizona eating at the friendliest Cracker Barrel ever. my mom and i shopped around (i gazed at the bedazzled old womens clothes and had to ask my mom if when i was older if i would just gravitate towards that sparkly crap. she said no, i probably wouldnt. yes.) and then got accosted by a very friendly older female employee. she was a total sweetheart and told us that it was so nice to see us. it made me happy on the inside. im not kidding when i say this particular employee would sneak attack us at the randomest of moments and talk to us about the lovely merchandise in the store. so, i just had to pretend to be like her and i sneak attacked my mom, and yes, i did scare her good. my mom and i had a delicious breakfast. i enjoy spending time with her because we just seem to get each other. and plus, shes awesome. and, as of late, my sister and i have rubbed off on her and she has been saying things like "that hotel is an STD waiting to happen" and "only in tucson would you see a freakin dinosaur eating a street signal." it is fun. and i really appreciate and love her company and support. i could go on and on about her, but i'll continue with our stories. i think arizona is a neat place, and i say this because a man in cracker barrel was wearing a rather large handgun in a holster on his waist. i had to applaud his use of his second amendment right to bear arms and i might have snapped a picture. come on, i HAD to. my mom and i were busting up and her phone camera made a loud "click" and flashed, all in this armed (and potentially dangerous) man's face. my mom riles me up and this kind of thing results.

fast forward about 45 minutes. we are full, happy, and excited because we rented a new john grisham audio book. this happiness quickly faded as we drove through the absolutely lovely outskirts of tucson. we pass hotels for as low as $24.99 per night, and as we drove by them we laughed and said, i bet the people staying there wish they were staying at the fairfield inn! yeah...fast forward again another 10 minutes and we got off the freeway and made the turn towards our hotel. the area is deserted, brown, overgrown, and glaringly desolate. we tremblingly turn at all the right streets and finally arrive at the destination. besides the fact that there were only 2 cars in the parking lot, the lot was fenced in (gate closed at 730) and there were large signs everywehere that read "Do NOT let thieves in and bring all valuables into hotel." at this point, my mom was hyperventilating and saying "no" over and over again, and my "this is a very bad place" radar was going crazy. needless to say, we promptly cancelled our hotel reservation and called my dear aunt who was familiar with the area. luckily, she gave us some direction.

i say some direction, because tucson is the most illogical and confusing place in the history of man. the next three hours (yes 3 FULL hours) were spent driving in circles, loops, to the local jiffy lube, and sometimes even squares trying to find a decent place to spend the night. we tried 4 hotels before we found one that was even decent, and even the glass blocks that serve as our window and the bar that is over our sliding door dont really give off the safe vibe. i was carsick from looking at mom's map on her cell phone (internet connections on phones is such a blessing), my mom kept freaking out that the one QT gas station we saw wasn't open for business yet, and we almost got into a couple of car accidents. word to the wise- do not, i repeat do not go to the south side of tucson. unless you are in the mood for a desert adventure, or seeing dinosaurs that look incredibly realistic at the local mcdonalds.

once we were safe and sound in the radisson (white bedding- SCORE), we cooled off, and then finally went to grab dinner at Boston Market, where i'm pretty sure i ate an entire farm (chicken, turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, and corn bread...just thinking about it makes me salivate). and that brings us to the present. this day has been so memorable- from our first bathroom stop in blythe (do not try to go into the taco bell at 8:45 am. its not open), to discussing of serious topics in the car, to gaining a better appreciation for one another (gotta love my mom), to gaining a greater appreciation for what I have and where my family has had the opportunity to grow up- im already learning! last night was a hard night because i realized how much i was leaving behind in california. i have an amazing family- immediate and not so immediate. i have amazing friends. i have a beautiful view of a lake. i have a jack in the box right down the street where i can get diet cokes whenever i want. this list goes on and on. im hoping that this teach for america experience will actually teach me to value these things more, to never take them for granted. this experience isn't about me, and yet it is in important ways. this adventure is really starting. my real like is finally here. this life ive made for myself (with a ton of help from family, friends, and Heavenly Father) is a good one. here's to hoping i'll have the kind of experiences i need to have to better serve all of Heavenly Father's children, so I truly can serve and love with all my heart, might, mind and strength. I am already being humbled by this journey. i need to get in the right mindset, because it isnt about what you have, its about what you GIVE. right? For right now, i think i'll get some much needed shut eye and dream of a tomorrow without tucson (armpit of america- ps i have very new views on arizonas controversial law because of this visit. john mccain step it the freak up) and full of driving with my wonderful mother to San Antonio Texas- home of the Alamo! don't worry, "this one's for all the homies."