officially a teacher.

yes, i am officially a teacher! I walked into room 201 at Clarksdale High School in Clarksdale, Mississippi on day one and felt a.) overwhelmed and b.) completely unprepared. By the end of that day (which was only Monday, just a few days ago) i was completely demoralized and seriously doubting my abilities as an educator and as a human being. it was that bad. i co-teach with two other people (i got lucky with my group. they are fantastic, and in fact, one rapped some biggie to me all the way back to our dorm after a literacy session) and by the time my lead teaching time rolled around, the room was sweltering. the air conditioning had completely quit on us. i had to try and corral them after lunch (an impossible feat. still trying to remedy this problem) and get them to take a math test for 2 hours in what i affectionately called "the swamp" in room 201. i was dripping wet with sweat- literally- and my students were antsy, loud, and let's be honest, bored out of their minds. we had 36 10-12 year olds in a room together, and we thought it would be a good idea to have them sit in table groups. NEVER, EVER under any circumstances do that to yourself on the first day of school. they were touching each other and talking constantly. there was a highlight during that first day though- getting to introduce our class to the class theme of "A world of possibilities". Our classroom has a global theme, complete with "passports" that they get stamped for good behavior. (i wonder who thought of this theme...) but the pain and heartache of that first day has subsided, and i can barely remember how completely terrible the first day went.
i am in love with my class now. LOVE. not infatuation, but LOVE. i find so much joy in going into my classroom everyday and hearing "Ms. Sullivan, Ms. Sullivan" (ok well honestly, it gets old fast, but i do love having a teacher name). but these kids are so full of joy, optimism, and life. they are hilarious, and smart, so so smart. i just wish that i could do better by them and come into the classroom being a veteran teacher. unfortunately, im very much the novice. i want the best for these little whippersnappers, and im incredibly sad that i had to say goodbye to around 10 of them. we split the 6th grade into 3 classes instead of 2, just to make things more manageable for us. but, our kids that changed classrooms all voiced the opinion that they wanted to come back to our room. OUR room. cute little mario even went as far to say "i promise i wont misbehave if i can come back into your classroom." we are creating this culture in our classroom that is so exciting to be a part of. there is a huge discrepancy in level (we have a 6th grader reading on 2nd grade level for example) and it is hard to differentiate for the higher level students. im trying hard to reach all students, but it is harder than you think!!
my actual room is quite large, and there is a huge table of random junk in the back, as well as all of our excess desks. we tried to "decorate" but there is only so much you can do with chart paper, masking tape, and crayola markers. we set up the desks in the final way today (we decided on pairs of two, three pairs per row, 24 students total). we have a pretty strict agenda, and we are doing well with following through with consequences. im not quite sure what kind of details are interesting to the lay reader...i suppose i could tell you how teaching feels. it is the craziest feeling. you have to constantly trick students into listening to you. its all about engagement and being rigid. ive discovered that im kind of loosey goosey in my attitude with students, more like a lower elementary teacher. its what i like, exaggeration and lots of kinesthetic movement. walking into the room for the first time and having to command authority is one of the most daunting and unnerving feelings ive ever felt. this experience has literally been the hardest thing ive ever done in my entire life. college was piece of cake compared to planning an interactive 6th grade math lesson. heck, college was a piece of cake compared to taking a classroom bathroom break. (bathroom procedures=disaster. currently working on the logistics). this job has the ability to shake you to your core, and then can simultaneously make you feel so alive. i feel more and more like a 6th grader and it is invigorating. i bet my students think i am an old fogey, and i think its funny. i got the chance to sit with a small group of students today and play a get to know you game. we had to answer certain questions about ourselves, nothing too major, but stuff like what you want to be when you grow up. i got a couple doctors, a lawyer, policewoman, streetfighter, and a lot of pro athletes. i told them i always wanted to be a teacher, and one of my darling students said something to the effect of wanting to beat kids down (i cant understand some of my students ever. they insist on mumbling quietly with their hands covering their mouths. its frustrating). i asked them what they were good at, and i got a variety of answers. i tried to tell them how good at math they were, some literally laughed but others were really proud of themselves. it feels good to be able to do that for a student. the last question i asked was "where do you want to go to college?" and i was so stoked when the first answer i heard was Harvard. a man after my own heart. i feel like i must point out that at some point during this discussion, one my very quick students, made a Madea reference. i almost peed my pants laughing, well holding the laugh because i cant be too informal! this is going to be a rewarding and informative experience, and luckily tonight, i get to get more than my standard 3 hours of sleep. (yep, thats right. 3 hours and literally working all other 21 hours of the day. miserable. my eyes are bright red bloodshot right now). here is a list of my students:
Joshua, Martell, Al'Nika, Cierra, Charisma, Tommie, Ja'Kaijia, Tranquisha, Trayvious, Jatavious, Jamarcus, Antwon, Tatyannah, China, James, Gary, Namonte, Karl, Kenesha, Kourtney, Khadidria, and probably a couple others im brain farting on. i love them. these brilliant little kiddos are what i get to love for the next three weeks. its going to be hard to let these ones go. Please enjoy the pictures of my very first classroom. kiddo pictures will be here tomorrow:)