the weekend.

every week here is like an eternity. not in a bad way (well actually, it is more like a bad way than a good way). im exhausted all the time and im still exhausted right now, after my 9 hour sleep last night. can i just tell you how i live for fridays? yesterday was the longest day of my life- woke up early, went to school, had a crappy day with the children (they just weren't letting me teach. i love them, but i dont feel like im doing enough for them), then in an unexpected burst of happiness, we were bussed from our school (Stampley/Clarksdale) to Morgan Freeman's bar in Clarksdale, Mississippi where we had a our school happy hour. yes, we had a happy hour courtesy of Teach for America. it is so bizarre that this drinking culture is so, so...normal. but the bar itself was so cool, and every inch of it was written on in sharpie. i have to go leave my mark there next week, during the next happy hour.

so let me tell you the frustrating part of the work that i am doing here. i want SO much for these kids. heck, i love them already. they each are so sweet and so smart. there are some that are ahead of grade level and i love them for loving to learn. there are kids that can barely read and write and i love them for trying. it is amazing to see little personalities every day. but heres my beef. i feel completely incapable of giving these kiddos what they need. i work so hard to make lesson plans that end up not engaging them, or helping them master objectives. i plan behavior rewards that they either don't get or don't care about. i want to help them express themselves and learn to love learning and each other, but i feel completely hopeless in that arena. every day i feel like these kids deserve an experienced teacher who will help them ACHIEVE this summer.

but let me tell you what is so rewarding about my work. i can be doing nothing but throwing down my teacher stare on the way into the cafeteria, and a sweet little student will say "Ms. Sullivan, i want you to sit at my lunch table today." or two sweet little girls dealing with a bully, and sitting and nodding along when I tell them about how at the end of the day it doesn't matter what anybody says about you if at the end of the day you like yourself and have self respect. ah! my first motivational speech! or when little shalin gets so excited about factor trees that she can barely sit in her desk and BEGS, literally begs to come to the board and factor. i mean, all these perks, and im still a novice. i consider myself lucky to be in this situation.

the weekend was relaxing and invigorating. of course, im still exhausted, that goes without saying. but yesterday was so nice. after our friday which was a dinner at airport grocery (complete with my first crawfish experience....DELICIOUS and DISGUSTING all at the same time. yes, i did pull of the head of an animal and then peel off its shell and then clean out this brown goop to get to literally a smidgen of white meat. but it was very good white meat.) where our waiter talked to us once in the entire three hours we were there. it was the usual crew (mady, emma, gools) and it was so nice to sit and talk and eat and relax. then, friday night, i got the party started with an amp energy drink and driving and singing to trashy pop music. its what we do best. we headed back to the dorms (like all cool kids do) where we hung out, chatted, and then decided to go out to the local music cafe/bar/hang out place. talk about adorable! it simply does not fit in cleveland mississippi. it is a redone building of some kind, super artsy inside. it actually inspired me to make things again, and to listen to really good music that means something (see above comment about trashy pop music). so when i have a moment of free time in the next century, i will most certainly add "artist" to my job description. If i had a business card (like Kevin G. style) it would read Alexandra "Al" Sullivan- teacher/artsiness enthusiast. fabulous. this little slice of heaven is called "hey joes" and it is the first hang out place ive actually felt comfortable in. probably because mgmt and death cab were playing over the stereo. mmmm. i miss music. it really helps me to feel more, which me the emotionless robot, needs every once in a while. we hung out there for a bit (it closed early...like 12:30) and all us SLAers went back to the dorm and hung out in the lobby. after a somewhat early bedtime (like 1:30! praises!!) and a late wakeup (11:00 am!! praises!!) we went to the cafeteria, got some grub, and then headed back to hey joes to watch the us vs. ghana world cup game. we were there for all two hours and it was packed and heated and amazing. i am so into the world cup. and soccer players if im going to be honest with you. talk about beautiful. we sat with other SLAers and a trillion other TFAers. after this, i attempted to do some work (impossible. my brain just doesn't work anymore.) and then we went back to hey joes for dinner because it had looked so delicious earlier. i had a hamburger (gasp) but it was DELICIOUS. i have not been so satisfied gastronomically since ive been in mississippi. it felt so good to have that lead weight in my belly. i think ive been dropping lbs for some reason because i definetly eat a lot of crap here. but it probably has something to do with the 21 hour days...maybe. saturday night was chill- working, a sonic run (hot fudge sundae...yes.), hanging out in the lobby (throwing a ball around in the weirdest way we could think of. people think me and my friends are freaks). such good times. i have been lucky enough to find friends that encourage me to embrace all of the strange parts of me and make them incredibly open. for example, we are going to have a book club, scrapbooking mondays, fencing tuesdays, (wednesdays are a break), art thursdays, etc. etc. we are looking into getting a 5 bedroom house in the garden district and we are considering having that extra bedroom be our tea party room. and im not kidding. we have so many outrageous ideas that it makes me (and everyone else) excited to walk into our future home.

sunday has been good to me thus far. i woke up at 7 for church, drove the hour with my fellow corps member daniel (who is just the sweetest), and talked about dating, etc. sunday school (what i heard of it...i may have been dozing) was really good. i love hearing about david and goliath, and how david was prepared for his big trial with other trials that shaped him. i feel like i am in the refiners fire right now, and hopefully i am actually recommitted to being better than i was last week. i need to care more about these kiddos, about the people around me, and make more time for service. this pseudo life that i live now needs some tweaking and some priorities built in. as for now, i have hours of work ahead of me here in the lobby of new mens dorms, but i am happy. diet coke, ratatat, and good people milling about me. fantastic.