i walked in memphis. and loved it.

its the end of another crazy week. I can't believe that my time at institute is coming to a close. it feels like we just got here, but it also feels like we've been here for 10 years. i have mixed feelings about the delta. i think there is a magnificent sort of beauty here. (not too many other agree, honestly) the farmland, the amazing sunrises and sunsets, and the clouds- omg it is like they are right on top of you! although i may sound like a total hippie for saying this, i could lie in the grass (with a ton of bug spray) and just look at the sky here for hours. this last week has had many highs and many lows. more lows than highs i would say, which is the unfortunate truth about having a bad attitude and being exhausted all the time. i love my students even more now. im coming to know them a little better and i just want to do right by them. i broke down in one of our training meetings the other day (yes i cried in front of about 30 other people. classy.) because i was so tired and i was incredibly frustrated that i wasn't doing more for my kids. and then, i realized, that i will always feel like this as long as i am a teacher, as long as i am a human being, i will never have done enough. thank goodness i do not have to be perfect. its hard to remember that simple but true fact in the grind of daily life.
i taught my kiddos a lot of things this week, most successfully i taught them how to identify whether a shape was congruent, similar, or neither. i made a powerpoint presentation (which they LOVED. they were so excited to have me turn off the lights. i was like, if you will listen better, ill turn the lights off every day!!) and we learned a little. i got observed this week, which was so nice and so necessary because i felt like a failure all week long. and there are a lot of positives in my classroom. i wrote my students little notes on colored construction paper just saying things like "keep up the good work" and "i know if you work hard you can achieve anything you want!" and they were so weirded out. i heard a lot of things like, "Ms. Sullivan, what are these for?" i wanted to scream to them that i care, and that i want them to excel. i internalize these things too much, especially because my job first and foremost is to actually teach. teaching and educating these children is my job and is what my focus should be. i think i get distracted by the little things as opposed to the big picture of real learning. its a problem im trying my hardest to fix. i start teaching reading next week and im kind of sweating bullets about it. i have the kids for 1:45 minutes for 4 days straight. that is a whole lotta time to fill! i am excited though- my lesson on monday involves me blaring the song "World's Greatest" by R. Kelly. then tuesday starts off with a bang, and "Man in the Mirror". i heard one of my students singing MJ the other day and i was like Boom. done. you sing it, we'll discuss it. i have a ton of prep work ahead of me tomorrow. but its all worth it. i do so much better at teaching when i practice beforehand. before i get off the school subject, yesterday one of my students said to me, "Ms. Sullivan, i'm not trying to be mean or nothing, but sometimes your breath smells like salad." how ironic is that considering a piece of salad hasn't crossed my lips ever. how embarrassing.
this friday was much needed. i feel bad looking forward to the weekends so much, but this was a tough week. it took a toll on me for some reason, and i think its just everything hits you at once and you just wish you could have 2 hours to do whatever it is you want. i cant wait to have my life back.
yesterday was a good night. i finally got chicken parm for dinner (over priced and just ok) and i felt sassy so i got a shirley temple to go with it. i felt like such a goober ordering that as we sat at the bar. the bartender didnt make me pay for it though, so yay free little girl drink!! we then went to the warehouse which is a charming restaurant/bar and practically all of TFA was there. im not gonna lie, it felt good to be social and to actually know people to be social with. i mean, i actually talked with multiple people who werent the quadrilateral (although we were together the entire night. last nights bit o fun was making up conversations for random groups of people in the bar). i knew people and it felt fantastic, especially because these particular people are awesome. im so impressed by everyone i meet here. hopefully they feel the same way about me. then after that, we dropped mady back at the dorm and me and emma and gools went out on the town, feeling sassy. we went to another local hotspot called backdraft that was absolutely the cutest thing ive ever seen. i do not know how cleveland manages to have these adorable restaurants. we lasted around 45 minutes and then headed back to the dorms exhausted. today, we decided to go to memphis! it is only about 2 hours away. i loved it. downtown memphis is beautiful, with a lot of old architecture that is incredibly well maintained, this cool old hotel/shopping center called the peabody, and of course, the crazy beale street. beale street is just a street full of bars and blues joints and i absolutely loved it. gibson guitars has their factory right there too. we walked around in the heat (it was killer) and tried to find something to do. there isnt much during the day when you are on foot. we walked into the peabody and there was a fountain with ducks in it. so of course, i had to go take pics with the ducks. and yes, a duck actually bit me. he thought i was too close and he didnt like it. how humiliating to be bitten by a duck. after wandering a little bit more (and taking in a diet coke break at the local subway) we went to Rendezvous for ribs. its a memphis establishment, apparently. its in this little back alley and its down these stairs. its really quaint and very southern. i got the ribs and i wasnt as impressed as i could have been, but it was certainly good. i think my frustration stemmed from the fact that i got a half order of ribs and it was not enough food. haha. but seriously. i eat like a man these days. any weight i may have lost, is now back and kickin. it felt really good to have some real memphis bbq. i forgot to mention how amazing the view coming into memphis is. you drive through icky town (looks like all of mississippi if that is any indication- except with bars on windows) and then, the road narrows, you begin to see old brick buildings and cute light posts, and then BAM the mississippi river is right in front of you with pretty green banks and this amazing bridge. it was at that moment i fell in absolute love with memphis. i have a feeling the south might have a pretty tight grip on me after 2 years of living here...my parents should start worrying! memphis got two thumbs up, especially because the culture seems so interesting and rich. on our drive home (we drove in stevie, emmas car) we planned our birthday party themes and our halloween costumes. i love my future roommates so much. they make it okay for me to be me. and i am a little kooky if im going to be honest with myself. im quiet most of the time, but if freaky is what you want, freaky is what you'll get. im so looking forward to the end of this week, and my journey back into real life and lousiana. hopefully ill get a job sometime soon. oh, and i told the person who is in charge of getting me hired (looking bleak. only 38 people hired out of 101) that i was very interested in teaching special ed. we will see what happens on that front.
i got some amazing news. my dear friend who has been battling cancer just let me know that a current scan revealed that she is cancer free. i am so grateful to my heavenly father for this miracle, and to her for being a real friend to me and my family. i am beyond happy for her and her family. love you, j.
wish me luck for this next crazy week. and if anyone know how to teach 6th graders how to understand the theme of a story, id be much obliged...